The monkey mind in pursuit of happiness

Chasing

All most of us want in life is to be happy.

For some, that means being remembered.
For others, getting praise.
For some, becoming rich.
And for others, being loved.

This desire to be happy drives most of our actions.
Finding better jobs to earn more money.
Going on countless dates to find true love.
Having kids to leave a legacy.
Writing on the internet to be appreciated by strangers.
And beating yourself up over every setback along the way.

I’ve been in that state often, for extended periods.
Times I look back on and see only a blur of actions and behaviors.
Times when the rush of the day took over,
and I felt washed away by the strong current of life and all its “to-do’s.”

Replaced

Looking back, I always felt like someone else had been in control.
Like my true self had gone on vacation,
and came back to find my life wasn’t on pause.

A monkey had been running it for me.
Continuing where I left off, following vague rules it had picked up from my past,
but not through the conscious choices that brought me here.

Naval Ravikant calls this the monkey mind:
the part of your brain that automatically reacts
based on past learnings, habits, and genetics.

“The monkey mind is always worried, frightened, and anxious.”

It scans for dangers and avoids them at all costs.
It keeps us safe in the face of threat,
but it holds us back when we want to change.

Stepping back

I’ve known about my monkey mind for a long time.
But I never had the language or framework to manage it.
Slowing down and reflecting has always helped me course-correct
after long stretches of letting the monkey run wild.

But I never checked in with it on purpose.
Never paused mid-action to ask,
“Is this me?”

Reading Naval gave me that framework.
It taught me to recognize when the monkey's acting up,
and to gently step back, take stock, and choose differently.

Hard choices

In my everyday life, this means I take more control.

My alarm rings. I don’t want to get up.
The bed is warm. The bed is safe.
Outside the bed are cold floors, responsibilities,
and possibly aggressive dragons or hungry werewolves.

Staying in bed is the easy option.
But easy choices don’t serve us in the long run.

“Easy choices, hard life. Hard choices, easy life.”

Getting out of bed, having breakfast, starting my day with a spring in my step,
that’s the choice that serves me.
I know it leads to the most energetic version of me.
So I try to make the hard choices,
allowing me to live an easier life.

At peace

My monkey mind has been chasing happiness
by chasing every possible desire.
But my conscious mind had the potential for happiness all along.
Not by getting, but by being.

By being at peace with reality.
Accepting that life is what it is,
and all I can do is try my hardest.

Whatever happens, happens.
I’ll try, and keep trying, until I succeed.
And that is enough.

Monkey on a leash

This morning, I started with 15 minutes of yoga,
followed by 30 minutes of stillness.

Time to deal with any thoughts that popped up,
urging me to move, to act, to fix, to scroll.
I gave them space.
I questioned them.
And I moved on with my meditation.

“Time to make breakfast and continue reading that book. Let’s get up. Don’t waste time.”

That was the monkey again.
He thinks wasting time is failure.
He wants productivity, speed, progress.

“I chose to do this yoga and meditation. It’s not a waste to me.”

“Check the phone. We may have a message.”

He thinks missing a message means we’re falling behind.

“I don’t need to check right now. I can always check later.
I’ve chosen to do nothing for now. We’re sticking to that.”

In the present

This morning gave me room to be happy.

I actively consider myself a happy human being.
I have desires, yes,
but not at the cost of my happiness.

I no longer allow the monkey mind
to chase happiness in the future,
when it’s already here,
in the present.

Until next time,
keep exploring,
keep experimenting,
keep sharing.

— Bram